Urine Luck!

"What's this sitting in my spot? It smells like... OH MY GOD!"

Wondering what was in that big orange jug I had with me on Wednesday? It was urine.

My doctor wanted to run a test on me that involves collecting your urine for 24 hours. They give you a container to use and when you’re done, you drop it off at a lab for analysis. “What if I fill up the jug?” He said he’s never heard of anyone filling up the jug.

It was a little tricky. Because the jug contains hydrochloric acid, you can’t pee in there directly. If you think getting buring hot pepper oil on your tender bits is bad, try splashing on a little hydrochloric acid.  I read on the internet that the acid preserves the urine’s uriny goodness.

The doctor suggested that the weekend might be a good time to collect urine, but I couldn’t really see bringing this on a road trip. That meant doing it at work, which was was a little complicated. Fortunately, I managed to get through an entire day without anyone realizing that I was carrying around a jug of urine. Ha!

By the end of the day, I felt a bit like Howard Hughes, who is reputed to have stored his urine in jars for safe keeping. The total volume was 2.5 liters, in case you’re interested.

So, some of you are asking, “Rob, why are you telling us this?!”  Why? Because I don’t want you to be surprised when you get old and have to start taking crazy tests and having odd procedures, things that may feel embarrassing and undignified, but are really important. There are worse things you could be carrying around than urine.

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18 responses to “Urine Luck!

  1. LOL UR OLD

    I mean, that sounds like an interesting experience.

  2. I saw the title of the post and thought to myself, “Rob Madeo has the sense of humor of a 13 year old boy.” Coming from someone like me, that’s a sincere compliment! 🙂

    As for “old,” I had to do the same procedure 13 years ago. Watch out, kiddies!

  3. Aging sucks.

  4. Oh, I just had to laugh when I read this. The title of this post really reeled me in. It’s nice to know that someone else had to endure the same awkward experience I did. It was all worth it in the end!

  5. Oh. Dear. God. Is there nothing you won’t write about?

  6. Hey man, could be worse…there’s always the brown BAG(don’t ask)

  7. What if you do this just for laughs? I mean, everybody needs a hobby..

    • PaulD: I may just want to see if I can manage to fill that thing. Bring on the iced tea!

      Hopeful: this is a health story, not a urine story…

      Donna H: Aging may suck, but it beats the alternative!

      LB: Fortunately, I don’t quite feel grown up yet, as some people may guess from reading this stuff.

  8. Just remember which bottle is the ice tea and which one is ‘processed’, lest ye become Patches O’Houlihan – “It’s sterile and I like the taste”

  9. Michael Huber, timesunion.com

    Nice to see you made good use of the Times Union as a placemat for your urine bottle. Glad we could be there for you.

    • Michael Huber: In the business, we call that product placement.

      Paul Tarver: And lose the ability to effortlessly pee into a cup? Never.

      Freddie Dunn: I’ve never had my lunch swiped, but if I did, there would be retribution.

  10. Does this mean you are going through with the sex change?

  11. But for the HCl, next time you could leave it in the work refrigerator for the lunch/beverage snatchers.

  12. Rob:
    its all downhill from here – once you start peeing in bottles. my wife being a diabetic has had to do this several times and we had to keep urine samples in the fridge. Try staring at that everytime you want a glass of milk…..hmmmm….do I have the milk or urine?

  13. True, Rob, true. Wait ’til you’re a grandparent. Grandkids are the coolest. Almost makes having endured your kid’s most rebellious stage worth it. Almost.

  14. Those tests are not just for old people. A 24 hour urine collection is used to test for a number of illnesses. I’m young and I had to do it a year ago to check for Cushings Disease. Fortunately it came back negative. Sorry you had to do it at work though.

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