Vibrators and Gardening Clogs

Not big on catalogs, but sometimes you need something to read. You know, when you can’t stand up and you just grab for whatever is within reach. If you catch my drift.

Anyway, I was recently perusing the most recent catalog from Solutions, which promises, “Products that make life easier.”  In it are a mix of gardening and household gadgets, doo-dads, and decorative items. In short, crap. Attention Naomi Seldin.

But there on page 51 was something that nearly made me fall right off the toilet out of my chair: vibrators!

OK, I’ll admit it: just the mention of these items brings out the Beavis and Butt-Head in me, because after all, what man is not 14-years-old at heart? But finding them in the this homeware catalog was… well, surprising.

Yes, they use the thinly veiled descriptors one usually sees, like “personal massagers,” but the Solutions catalog makes no bones about what’s going on here.

On the very same page as the vibrators was a product that women might like to buy for their husbands: charcoal filters that you wear in your pants. It says that these neutralize odors when you, “just can’t control a gassy stomach.”

Next time I’ll remember to bring my book, or the latest Land’s End catalog.

Advertisements

16 responses to “Vibrators and Gardening Clogs

  1. WOW — I’m going to have to pull my ‘Solutions’ catalog out of the recycling bin — thanks for the ‘tip’ Rob!

  2. 1. Best blog title ever. Let’s get this on the main page of TimesUnion.com, STAT
    2. I can’t believe there’s a blog about vibrators. This is awesome.
    3. This is awesome.
    4. Look at those vibrators! Awesome!
    5. HAHAHAHAHA! Vibrators.

  3. .. I think you missed the best part. The filters are called Subtle Butt. God, to be in on that marketing meeting…

  4. OMG, I think I want to do a blog about the charcoal filters!
    That is HILARIOUS that such a thing exists!!
    Don’t you just love stuff like this that makes you fall off of your “chair?” LOL!

  5. It doesn’t say in the catalog if they are noise cancelling pads or not…

  6. I just fed the dog some boiled egg, do you think it could stifle a dog fart? LOL!

  7. Lucky dog.

    No, nothing is effective against the toxic effects of canine flatulence. As we learned in “The Hotel New Hampshire,” Sorrow floats but few things hang in the air like dog gas.

  8. Guess those gardening ladies aren’t getting much action. C’mon, farmer men!

  9. #9: Yes, farmer men. Grab your hoes and plow those rows.

  10. If you read the reviews for Subtle Butt, you’ll see it does NOT cancel out the sound 🙂

  11. I have to say that we laughed our hindends off when we got the last Solutions catalog. I had to show my husband – wow.

    Solutions indeed. I’d say more, but why? Hahaha.

  12. One more comment: wtf is up with that purple thing? Honestly, it looks like something from Dairy Queen.

  13. #8 I’ve never seen The Hotel New Hampshire, but dog gas is the worst! I’m lucky that ours only lets it go about twice a year….
    I think I’m going to write that blog!

  14. I’m so glad someone actually blogged about this. We get this catalog too (Not sure why, it just started appearing) and I was leafing through it to see what it was about…. and WHOA! lol… Guess we can’t put that one in the kid’s box of catalogs to cut up. I love the dainty floral one… matches the floral butterfly decor on another page… hehe

  15. Thanks for thinking of me, Rob. I didn’t think it was possible to top the SkyMall catalog for strangeness, but you’ve proven me wrong!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s