The Results Are In

Wow…what’s wrong with you people? I run a poll to see which local TV personality you’d like to see Tasered during February sweeps and you vote for Kristi Gustafson? Including her on the list was supposed to be a joke.

Who would you like to see Tasered?(poll)

But fair is fair, so I’ll forward the results to the news director at WTEN. Since I’m schooled in the dark art of TV news promotion, I have a few ideas on how to market this. First of all, get hold of a Phazzer Hornet. It’s a small, pink stun gun that fits easily into a handbag or coat pocket. As for the demonstration, we could pretend that Kristi is attacking Elisa Streeter with a fake knife. Then, ZOT!!!

And here’s some suggested promo copy:

“Elisa Streeter has a little surprise for Kristi Gustafson! (SHOCK SOUND EFFECT) This shocking pink accessory really packs a wallop! (SHOCK SOUND EFFECT) See how it works LIVE, Friday on News Ten at 4!”

Boy, do I miss sweeps.


16 responses to “The Results Are In

  1. In the interest of full disclosure, I received four votes under “Other.”

  2. I. Heart. You.

  3. There’s a little bit of truth in every joke.

  4. I’m just going to start calling you Fox. It’s so obvious how fair and balanced you are.

  5. Hop off Kristi’s nuts already.

  6. Hey, I didn’t vote for her.

  7. Hey Rob, I think some folks were absent the day a sense of humor was passed out! I still like my vote for Tim Drawbridge.

  8. #7: EXACTLY! I sorta wanted Greg Floyd, you know, just to help him raise his profile a bit.

  9. I would’ve voted for Dori Marlin. She seems so awkward on camera, especially when cracking jokes. Marci Natale would’ve been a much co-host with Greg.

  10. How does Kambrich escape this without a welt? I think it’s the Deliverance Effect, whereby folks reckon Ned Beatty’s suffered enough for the both of ’em.


  11. Rob:

    Please stop making the OTE minions upset with you. Remember to seek peace with the minions. Beati pacifici.

  12. #11: Minions is such a funny word.

  13. This is so fixed. No way Kristi is going to get tasered. What about that “HUGE” car dealer???? You’d probably need a strong taser and hit him several times.

  14. I’ll take one for Kristi…but only live on WTEN. Set it up.

    Daniel Webster and Luna are NOT invited.

  15. #14: Thank you, Dave, you are a real gentleman.

  16. I try to be. But then again, sometimes I’m a real pain in the ass.

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