Rent-a-Cat

I’ve been trying to find a way to monetize the pets. Heaven knows we spend a lot of money on them, so it would be nice to see a little ROI for all our TLC.

Then I heard several people complain lately about finding mice in their homes and it dawned on me: Rent-a-Cat. I’m not the first person to suggest renting cats, but this is an idea whose time has come. Why call Catseye when you can have a real cat’s eye on the job?

We’ve go three cats in our house who are up to the work. I figure $100 a week is fair. If you want more than one cat at a time we can talk. Here’s what’s in stock:

Maggie: A large calico with a bad attitude. This cat will not merely catch the mice but shred them into little to pieces. It may be difficult to confirm her kills if you have dogs. In my experience dogs are more likely to eat dismembered mice than whole mice.

Maeve: She may not be quick and agile, but she makes up for this with stealth. Maeve is adept at sitting perfectly still for long periods of time waiting for mice to come to her. Maeve can be baited to make her more attractive to mice by rubbing cheese or peanut butter on her head. Rodents find these scents irresistible and will walk right into her clutches.

Mia: Born on the mean streets of Schenectady, Mia combines youth and speed with a killer instinct. Because of her small size she can fit into the places where mice hide and ferret them out. We advise keeping food off your kitchen counter and the garbage can tightly sealed when using Mia.

Local delivery and pickup is free, but shipping is available. Cats arrive at your home in a day or two packed in a padded, vented container. Ask about our rent to own option.

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12 responses to “Rent-a-Cat

  1. $100 a week? I solved my mouse problem with some spring-loaded traps and some spray foam insulation. Total cost, about $10.

  2. Now could you bait a cat with bacon? Or would they eat it?

    Oh lord – what would a bacon-baited cat attract?

  3. Farm and Tractor sell an electronic mouse trap, $19.95. Takes 4 AA batteries. One set of batteries is good for 40 kills. Don’t even have to touch the carcass. Open it up and dump ’em out. A little bit of peanut butter and your good to go. Got one in the shed out by the barn. Every once in awhile the little light on the unit is blinking. Scored again.

  4. I think you should have randomly added the words dog or poop to this post. Stick with what’s working.

  5. Ron: How true. I have a dog poop post waiting in the wings, by the way.

    Roon: Good work on curing your rodent problem, but allow me to point out that this service isn’t really for the DIY crowd.

    I would never pay someone to cut my lawn or paint a room in my house, but there a lots of people who shell out good money for things we do by ourselves. Things like killing mice.

    I think we can agree that folks who save money by cutting their own hair aren’t going to pay for cat rental.

  6. But then what if the cat(s) won’t leave? Cats are crazy, and scary. So you’d need to rent a dog to chase it away. Then if the dog won’t leave, and it starts barking at you with its fangs and stuff, you have to rent another animal to chase IT away. Cue the ostrich, the one animal in nature that’ll REALLY freak a dog out. Except now you have this ostrich, and it’s really off-putting, so in comes the badger to chase it off because badgers just don’t give a crap. Now, badger problem. What chases off a badger? Very little, my friend.

    I don’t think you thought this through.

  7. Hey, was that knock on my haircut? For the record, I don’t cut my own hair…my wife does.

  8. Kevin: Badgers? We don’t need no stinking badgers! (Sorry, it had to be done)

  9. Traps are good, but I’ve never seen one that could drop a freshly caught mouse at your feet.

    And unlike a cat, I’d hesitate to put a set trap on my lap and pet it.

  10. Roon: Absolutely not… that looks like the work of a professional.

  11. How many cats are available are these the only ones?

  12. That’s all we have in stock right now. This time of year mice aren’t a big problem, but cats are also good for catching flies and other insects.

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