Joe Bruno to Bunk with Bernie Madoff?

It would sure be a hoot if Joe Bruno winds up in the same prison as Bernie Madoff —but even if Bruno doesn’t go to Butner Federal Correctional Complex in North Carolina, here’s a story in the Wall Street Journal that he really should read.

Journal reporter Dionne Searcey offers a glimpse at life in the big house for the Ponzi king that paints a colorful picture of life as an inmate.

And you know what? It doesn’t sound that bad: TV, games, mindless work, bunch of guys with interesting stories. Except for that locked up part it could be worse. You could be at Dannemora.

Inmates get up at 6am and are off to work by 7:30 for jobs where they, “Are paid between 12 cents and $1.15 an hour, depending on the job, which could include groundskeeper, plumber or kitchen crew.”

Also in the story is this important information about jailhouse etiquette:

The informal code of prisoner conduct is strict: Mind your own business. Don’t try to find out anyone’s inmate number because it could be used to determine a prisoner’s criminal record, which is considered private. Don’t walk uninvited into another inmate’s “cube,” or cell. Don’t wake anyone who is sleeping. Don’t change the TV channel when someone else is watching.

Wow! Uninterrupted naps? Clearly defined TV rules? Wouldn’t be a bad place to spend the weekend. Or a couple of years.

Certainly, Bruno’s crimes are small beer compared to the likes of Madoff and other Butner residents. Spy Jonathan Pollard, former mob boss Carmine Persico, and Blind Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman also call the place home. And Butner also has a Federal Medical Center Facility, a consideration when you’re locking up and old man.

Don’t expect him to be blogging about life behind bars: “Internet access is strictly forbidden, so inmates rely on the word-of-mouth prison rumor mill called ‘inmate.com.'”

I have two pieces of advice for Bruno,both from the movie Office Space:

  1. Kick someone’s ass the first day, or become someone’s bitch.
  2. Watch out for your cornhole, bud.
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