The World According to Rob

This Facebook status update caught my eye:

Chris Rooney doesn’t like when cars drive too fast down his street.

Have you ever heard anyone complain that they drive too slow? Of course not. We all think they drive too fast —but what are you going to do chase after them and get all up in their grill, so to speak? That may have worked for T.S. Garp but it’s not a good idea these days.

In The World According to Garp, Garp gets into the habit of chasing after cars speeding through his neighborhood. In the book he’d catch up to them at the stop sign and give them a piece of his mind. It worked. Try that today and they’ll run you over.

Years ago the town showed up and yanked out the stop signs on the corner where I live. When I complained they helpfully explained that the signs created an unsafe situation and actually encouraged people to drive faster. I don’t know about that —but I do know that as soon as the signs came down the speed of the cars went up.

I decided to take matters into my own hands and request people slow down by yelling at them when they drove past. This did nothing to slow the cars but a number of people did return to yell back, threaten me, etc.

Now when they zip past I keep my mouth shut —instead seeking revenge by doddering along that road like an 80-year-old, driving a speed safe and reasonable for a place teeming with kids:  20 MPH.

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5 responses to “The World According to Rob

  1. I shoot dirty looks at the people who fly past me while my 6-year-old and I are walking the dog, but I’m sure they’re going to fast to notice.

    I’ll then take a moment to try to pinpoint exactly when I turned into my father.

  2. I actually find myself wishing that I lived in a cartoon world – and that I could take completely inappropriate action against such persons.

    Flattening folks in my big monster truck of righteousness would be so much fun. Cyclists and folks who pull out slowly into my lane would be no stranger to my wrath.

    Psychologist. Field day.

  3. Never dreamed I’d be quoting Bruce Cockburn, but “If I had a rocket launcher…I would retaliate.”

  4. Man, you’re starting to sound like my GRANDfather!

  5. Hey you kids, get off of my street!

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