Lawnmower Man

My standard of quality for grass is that it’s more green than brown. I know this makes me a pariah in a neighborhood of men who carefully cultivate and manicure the lawn, but to them I kindly suggest it’s time to get a freakin’ life. Plus it’s dangerous. Don’t they read the paper?

PITTSTOWN, N.Y. — A 65-year-old town man died today when the riding lawn mower he was operating flipped on an embankment and caught fire, trapping him underneath, State Police said.

DULUTH, Ga. – – A 35-year-old Fayette County man was killed Monday in a tragic accident. James Osborne Studdard, 35, was killed instantly when the lawn mower he was riding flipped over and fell about 8 to 10 feet off a terraced lawn. Capt. Frank Huggins of the Forsyth County Sheriff’s Office said, “No foul play is suspected.”

PINCKNEYVILLE, Ill. – – A Perry County man is killed after a lawn mowing accident. Deputies say 70 year-old Bill Mohr had been trimming the grass on a steep embankment outside his home, using a zero-turn radius lawn-mower. Officers say it slid down the hill and rolled over into a small body of water in Mohr’s back-yard, pinning him underneath.

BURLINGTON, Ky. – – An 86-year-old man was flown to University Hospital Tuesday afternoon after he suffered second-degree burns during an accident while refueling his lawn mower, according to Boone County emergency communication reports. He suffered burns to his hands and legs, reports state.

I will not poison the birds and bunnies to make the grass green, and I will not die for my lawn.


6 responses to “Lawnmower Man

  1. Funny, I always preferred my grass brown rather than green!

  2. Yes, I heard that…

  3. They never should have made those beer can holders a standard feature on riding mowers.

  4. This is interesting: I found a couple of recent articles about people on riding mowers killed by drunk drivers who veered off the road.

  5. Friends don’t let friends drive or mow the lawn drunk.

  6. Pingback: Mulchapalooza « Keyboard Krumbs

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